Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
