It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
