Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
