This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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