Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
