I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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