If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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