Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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