I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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