cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
