And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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