found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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