let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so much tequila, so little girl.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
