we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
