Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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