He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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