I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
