Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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