Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
