And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think people are normalizing furries
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
