How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
