Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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