they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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