I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
