I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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