life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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