puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
