so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
