I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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