I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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