Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize