the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
