haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
