I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
