no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize