it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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