I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm really busy with my period
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