I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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