You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
