its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
