Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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