Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
