so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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