In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
