our cab driver is having phone sex.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
