in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
