you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
