Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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