I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
