You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
