Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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