I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
