hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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