My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
