i just had sex bonerless
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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