My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize