you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I deserve this hangover.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize