There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
