I wannas sexs uuuuu
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
