No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
