On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
