after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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