I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
