Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to sanitize my soul.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
