I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my liver is dry heaving
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
