Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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