She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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