Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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