you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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