Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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