Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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