did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize