she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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