Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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